My first marriage to N. had been over for several years. Before we tied the knot there were playful spankings as a prelude to lovemaking, but somehow as a spouse it migrated into the “you’re sick, you’re crazy, you’re a bad person” anytime I mentioned spanking. Ultimately we parted for a variety of reasons. Being deeply in love I had always overlooked her now obvious faults – for quite some time I blamed myself for everything (don’t we all). But it proved to be emancipating - I was suddenly single in the SF Bay area at the height of the sexual revolution. Also the height of the mainstreaming of BDSM – it went from something no one talked about to ads in the Berkeley Barb. I was like a kid in a candy store – I tried everything (and everyone) I could find.
I also finally got over N. and started actively dating – vanilla then, since the BDSM social world we now know simply didn’t exist. Finally I met S. who was the most real, down to earth person in the world. We just fit together so well - lovemaking became intense, explosive, a depth of feeling I didn’t know existed. As we began to have a serious relationship I pondered how to bring up spanking with the ultimate vanilla… I knew I couldn’t hide it forever, nor did I want to live that way again.
One Saturday morning S. called me and said she’d see me later that afternoon – my ex had called her and said there were some things she had to know about me – terrible things – and they were going to spend some time on girl talk. After she hung up I thought well – that was the end of a beautiful friendship. And my ex would never get an alimony check on time again…
Late in the day S. showed up, and since the conversation began with “We’ve got to talk” I had that sick feeling in my gut that said it was all over. N. had told her that I was a sick, sick puppy, that my love of spanking dominated my life and thoughts, and that I could not be trusted. “So what is all this about.”
Have you ever tried to explain S&M to someone who had no idea? I started with what it meant, how it was practiced, and the wide range of sensations available. I spent a lot of time on the sensual sexual side, how many people found it enhanced lovemaking and intimacy. I showed her the section in The Joy of Sex where it referred to spanking as the Tabasco sauce of sex. It wasn’t for everyone, but between the right people it was great.
I will never forget the next moment – she looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes and said “Sounds like fun to me – lets try it”