Thursday, April 23, 2009

A humorous memory

My first marriage to N. had been over for several years. Before we tied the knot there were playful spankings as a prelude to lovemaking, but somehow as a spouse it migrated into the “you’re sick, you’re crazy, you’re a bad person” anytime I mentioned spanking. Ultimately we parted for a variety of reasons. Being deeply in love I had always overlooked her now obvious faults – for quite some time I blamed myself for everything (don’t we all). But it proved to be emancipating - I was suddenly single in the SF Bay area at the height of the sexual revolution. Also the height of the mainstreaming of BDSM – it went from something no one talked about to ads in the Berkeley Barb. I was like a kid in a candy store – I tried everything (and everyone) I could find.

I also finally got over N. and started actively dating – vanilla then, since the BDSM social world we now know simply didn’t exist. Finally I met S. who was the most real, down to earth person in the world. We just fit together so well - lovemaking became intense, explosive, a depth of feeling I didn’t know existed. As we began to have a serious relationship I pondered how to bring up spanking with the ultimate vanilla… I knew I couldn’t hide it forever, nor did I want to live that way again.

One Saturday morning S. called me and said she’d see me later that afternoon – my ex had called her and said there were some things she had to know about me – terrible things – and they were going to spend some time on girl talk. After she hung up I thought well – that was the end of a beautiful friendship. And my ex would never get an alimony check on time again…

Late in the day S. showed up, and since the conversation began with “We’ve got to talk” I had that sick feeling in my gut that said it was all over. N. had told her that I was a sick, sick puppy, that my love of spanking dominated my life and thoughts, and that I could not be trusted. “So what is all this about.”

Have you ever tried to explain S&M to someone who had no idea? I started with what it meant, how it was practiced, and the wide range of sensations available. I spent a lot of time on the sensual sexual side, how many people found it enhanced lovemaking and intimacy. I showed her the section in The Joy of Sex where it referred to spanking as the Tabasco sauce of sex. It wasn’t for everyone, but between the right people it was great.

I will never forget the next moment – she looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes and said “Sounds like fun to me – lets try it”

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Position is Everything

(In response to a question from @SpanksSprinkles regarding alternatives to a full on cross for securing a submissive for a heavy corporal session...)

Sorry to take so long to respond - was working very late and as we all know, work is the curse of the spanking classes.

My suggestion is to use a solid wooden chair with a low back – if you’re lucky your dining room chairs will work. Ours didn’t so we have two that are almost identical – one came with a sewing center, the other from a student desk set. I think you could find them at a wood furniture stores with no problem. I don't recommend trying them in the position they'll be used though... Office chairs will work, but they’re not as sturdy - A heavy sub thrashing around can get enough leverage to break a weld on the cheap ones. I don’t recommend normal kitchen chairs as they’re too flexible.

Position the sub behind the chair reaching over the back and grabbing the front legs. With the right chair even short girls (5ft 3 or so) can reach over – if they’re too short you may need to lay down a step or 2 by 4 or something . Have them in heels (not the guys) or (preferred) on tiptoe. Guys should have no problem. While they’re grabbing the legs, cuff their hands to the top of the chair leg, right at the bottom of the seat. I usually put a few wraps around the wrists and the chair legs - that way there is almost no motion available to them. Similarly cuff their ankles to the rear chair legs, only above the rungs so they don’t have any room to roam there either and they cant accidentally (or not so accidentally) get the restraints loose.

BTW if you don’t have real leather cuffs available a quick and cheap alternative is to buy a couple of small dog collars – they fit most adults arms if you tighten them down enough, and they have a quick-release mechanism that I find useful if you need to free a sub and do a little compassionate hugging and tear wiping. Of course, you’ll get a few strange looks when you try them on in the store… A couple of carabiners or double-ended clips from Home Despot, some clothesline, and poof! instant (cheap) bondage kit. Campy, light duty, but appropriate for "advanced domestic discipline"

Next you need a belt that is just a little longer than the subs waist – if they are in the inner belt holes you may be able to use their own belt adjusted to the outer ones – otherwise you may have to buy a longer one. You want it around their waist and passed though the spindles on the back of the chair, and you want to tighten it enough that they cant move at all, but loose enough that they can still breathe OK.

When you’re done the sub is pretty much locked in position. Add panties for a gag; I use a black silk scarf as a blindfold; and earphones (or buds, if you must) with some annoying classical music, and you have a sub ready, willing(?) and anxiously awaiting whatever level of discipline you wish to apply, without having to worry about her/him moving and spoiling your aim. In addition the sub has almost no leverage against the restraints and the chair, is tensing their musles in this position, and is in an extremely vulnerable position if you want to take advantage of it. I’ve used this for caning, paddling, and strapping and it works well for me.

Papa Tom